This is Chapter Two of three chapters in my Guardian short film Trilogy. This song and video was created with the idea and hope of a light on the "otherside" after death. I often struggle with the thought of people…
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Here is my story...
Check Out My Latest EP Album
The themes of this album include death, God, angels, heaven, hell, and saying goodbye to those you love.With big guitars, big drums, guitar solos with a modern electronic touch. I would definitely say that this album is my most experimental release to date.
GUARDIAN:
This song is about what I felt the moment I encountered Jesus Christ through the
GUARDIAN:
This song is about what I felt the moment I encountered Jesus Christ through the
The themes of this album include death, God, angels, heaven, hell, and saying goodbye to those you love.With big guitars, big drums, guitar solos with a modern electronic touch. I would definitely say that this album is my most experimental release to date.
GUARDIAN:
This song is about what I felt the moment I encountered Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. In the song I try to explain what I felt in that moment and the feelings Jesus pulled me out of within my hopelessness and the strength and confidence He gave me.
Additionally the song is named "Guardian" because back in 2013 right after hearing the news that my mom was terminally ill, I had a dream that I was in a motel room and I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door and there was a figure standing there that I couldn't fully make out. The figured said to me, "this is going to be the most painful experience you have ever faced, but it will also be the most important." I feel the figure was an angel and the angel said this in regards to what I would face with my moms death. A year after that dream my mom died and I fell apart and 3 months after my moms death I encountered Jesus Christ and was saved. The most painful experience = my moms death. The most important experience = being saved by Jesus Christ!
LEAVE THE LIGHT ON:
This song was written with the idea and hope of a light on the "otherside" after death. I often struggle with the thought of people that I love and care for dying and not knowing whether they went to heaven or hell. This song was written with the hopes that God's mercy on us goes father than our human condition can understand and that people more often than not accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior while on their death bed and discover in their heart that Jesus Christ is and always has been "all they want and all they ever needed."
NEED TO SAY:
This song is about the death of my mother, Sharon. The song has been 7 years in the making and I began writing it before I became of follower of Jesus at the age of 25 and finished writing it after I became a follower of Jesus. The song was finally fully written at the age of 32. The song switches back and forth from the perspectives of both myself and my mother. Originally the working title of the song was “Mom in Time.” Let me now break the song down for you.
The first verse is from the perspective of my mother coming to terms with the fact that she is going to die and asking me to hold her hands and pray for her. She admits that she is not in control of her death and that she is afraid. She tries her best to hide the pain that she is in and she is and she is not ashamed to due so in order to keep myself and her other children from worrying about her. The final words in this verse are "who is God to guide my way?” This statement represents my mothers pride, confusion and distortion of who God is. My mother was a well respected New Age teacher and counselor and it was very rare that my mother would give up her control to anyone, including God.
The pre chorus represents both perspectives and is pretty self explanatory. It’s so hard to say goodbye to the ones you love.
The chorus is from my perspective. The disease that killed my mom is called lewy body dementia. This disease caused her to be unable to be coherent or speak clearly most of the time. The chorus is me asking her in desperation to speak to me before she dies. It also touches on me trying to find the right words to say to her before her death. It goes on to say I don’t want to watch her fade away because the disease she had was a slow progression and very painful for me to watch and be apart of. The final words in the chorus are “I’ll get over it.” These words represent my initial attitude towards pain, heartbreak and trauma before I met Jesus. The world taught me to “force myself to be strong,” “suck it up,” “push the pain down” and “get over it.” I forced myself to do these things. That is what I did with my pain until I could no longer do it anymore and I collapsed into Jesus Christ’s arms. Once meeting Jesus I realized that is not how you heal from things, but I wanted the song to be honest represent my mind set at the time of my mothers death.
The second verse of the song is from my perspective of the sheer dread of losing my mom. Myself trying to grasp at some control by asking her to tell me when she is going to die so I could try to prepare myself, which those who have experienced the death of a loved one know that it’s nothing you can be prepared for no matter how hard you try. I felt a completely helpless. Her response is "I don't know" because she finally recognizes that she is not in control and it is truly up to God when she will die and we cannot foresee it.
The third verse says “And I’ve got nightmares on my mind” which was the first melody and lyrics that came to me for this song. Once my mom died I began to have nightmares which were based on my questions of where she went after she died, was it heaven or hell? Those un-answered questions of where she went tore me up and complicated my closure with my mother until I gave it to God and began to trust that wherever she ended up was Just because God is a Just God and I trust His judgement. Even with that said, I still have a hope that I will one day see her on the other side (which is heaven) and one day hold her hand again in a brighter place.
I tried to write this song as honestly as I could from my perspective within the time leading up to my mom’s death, which is why I think it took so long to write. How I feel about death now is not how I felt about it when my mom died. Three months after her death, I had my life changing encounter with Jesus Christ. He showed me that there is so much more than just this world and our life now. The bible says “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” - James 4:14. With that in mind, I can see my mom’s death differently. I can see that her death is not the end of the world, or even the end of my world. Though very painful, yes. Her death was the end of her in this world and where she goes onto after this world is between her and God and I can rest in that. I love and miss my mom very much and I wish so much she could have known the person I am today. I love you mom, I miss you.
GUARDIAN:
This song is about what I felt the moment I encountered Jesus Christ through the Holy Spirit. In the song I try to explain what I felt in that moment and the feelings Jesus pulled me out of within my hopelessness and the strength and confidence He gave me.
Additionally the song is named "Guardian" because back in 2013 right after hearing the news that my mom was terminally ill, I had a dream that I was in a motel room and I heard a knock at the door. I opened the door and there was a figure standing there that I couldn't fully make out. The figured said to me, "this is going to be the most painful experience you have ever faced, but it will also be the most important." I feel the figure was an angel and the angel said this in regards to what I would face with my moms death. A year after that dream my mom died and I fell apart and 3 months after my moms death I encountered Jesus Christ and was saved. The most painful experience = my moms death. The most important experience = being saved by Jesus Christ!
LEAVE THE LIGHT ON:
This song was written with the idea and hope of a light on the "otherside" after death. I often struggle with the thought of people that I love and care for dying and not knowing whether they went to heaven or hell. This song was written with the hopes that God's mercy on us goes father than our human condition can understand and that people more often than not accept Jesus as their Lord and Savior while on their death bed and discover in their heart that Jesus Christ is and always has been "all they want and all they ever needed."
NEED TO SAY:
This song is about the death of my mother, Sharon. The song has been 7 years in the making and I began writing it before I became of follower of Jesus at the age of 25 and finished writing it after I became a follower of Jesus. The song was finally fully written at the age of 32. The song switches back and forth from the perspectives of both myself and my mother. Originally the working title of the song was “Mom in Time.” Let me now break the song down for you.
The first verse is from the perspective of my mother coming to terms with the fact that she is going to die and asking me to hold her hands and pray for her. She admits that she is not in control of her death and that she is afraid. She tries her best to hide the pain that she is in and she is and she is not ashamed to due so in order to keep myself and her other children from worrying about her. The final words in this verse are "who is God to guide my way?” This statement represents my mothers pride, confusion and distortion of who God is. My mother was a well respected New Age teacher and counselor and it was very rare that my mother would give up her control to anyone, including God.
The pre chorus represents both perspectives and is pretty self explanatory. It’s so hard to say goodbye to the ones you love.
The chorus is from my perspective. The disease that killed my mom is called lewy body dementia. This disease caused her to be unable to be coherent or speak clearly most of the time. The chorus is me asking her in desperation to speak to me before she dies. It also touches on me trying to find the right words to say to her before her death. It goes on to say I don’t want to watch her fade away because the disease she had was a slow progression and very painful for me to watch and be apart of. The final words in the chorus are “I’ll get over it.” These words represent my initial attitude towards pain, heartbreak and trauma before I met Jesus. The world taught me to “force myself to be strong,” “suck it up,” “push the pain down” and “get over it.” I forced myself to do these things. That is what I did with my pain until I could no longer do it anymore and I collapsed into Jesus Christ’s arms. Once meeting Jesus I realized that is not how you heal from things, but I wanted the song to be honest represent my mind set at the time of my mothers death.
The second verse of the song is from my perspective of the sheer dread of losing my mom. Myself trying to grasp at some control by asking her to tell me when she is going to die so I could try to prepare myself, which those who have experienced the death of a loved one know that it’s nothing you can be prepared for no matter how hard you try. I felt a completely helpless. Her response is "I don't know" because she finally recognizes that she is not in control and it is truly up to God when she will die and we cannot foresee it.
The third verse says “And I’ve got nightmares on my mind” which was the first melody and lyrics that came to me for this song. Once my mom died I began to have nightmares which were based on my questions of where she went after she died, was it heaven or hell? Those un-answered questions of where she went tore me up and complicated my closure with my mother until I gave it to God and began to trust that wherever she ended up was Just because God is a Just God and I trust His judgement. Even with that said, I still have a hope that I will one day see her on the other side (which is heaven) and one day hold her hand again in a brighter place.
I tried to write this song as honestly as I could from my perspective within the time leading up to my mom’s death, which is why I think it took so long to write. How I feel about death now is not how I felt about it when my mom died. Three months after her death, I had my life changing encounter with Jesus Christ. He showed me that there is so much more than just this world and our life now. The bible says “What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes.” - James 4:14. With that in mind, I can see my mom’s death differently. I can see that her death is not the end of the world, or even the end of my world. Though very painful, yes. Her death was the end of her in this world and where she goes onto after this world is between her and God and I can rest in that. I love and miss my mom very much and I wish so much she could have known the person I am today. I love you mom, I miss you.
My Worship Album
I am honored to announce the release of my first ever worship album entitled “He Finds the Beauty in the Broken.” I truly feel that these songs were God lead and I wrote and recorded this album within a month, which is very quick in terms of producing an album. I truly tried my best to let go of my opinions, not second guess music and lyrics and
I am honored to announce the release of my first ever worship album entitled “He Finds the Beauty in the Broken.” I truly feel that these songs were God lead and I wrote and recorded this album within a month, which is very quick in terms of producing an album. I truly tried my best to let go of my opinions, not second guess music and lyrics and be fully lead by the Holy Spirit. I want to thank Jesus Christ who is my Lord and Savior for being with me during the making of this album and I pray that it reaches those who He intended it to reach!
Beauty in the Broken
Beauty in the Broken is the song that sparked the inspiration to begin writing this album. I was challenged with the question "What do I feel is the biggest problem in the world?” and the first thing that came to my mind was human sex trafficking. Followed by that question was myself being told that whatever I felt was the biggest problem in the world is something I should be apart of helping. Being someone who has had a dark history of porn and sex addiction, hearing the reality of what happens to people in the sex industry and human trafficking broke my heart. I learned that many woman in porn videos are actually sex trafficking victims and every time you click to watch a porn video, you are supporting the human sex trade industry. The reality of this helped me humanize every girl that I have ever selfishly used both face to face and virtually. “Beauty in the Broken” is about sharing God's love to victims of sex trafficking and how he truly sees them, how he favors them, and how wants to make them into a new creation. I wanted to use the gifts that God gave me to hopefully make an impact in sex tracking survivors lives. Even though both men and woman are trapped in sex trafficking, I wrote this song specifically for the woman who have been or are still in sex trafficking. I encourage you to research the reality of human sex trafficking, a good place to start is https://www.rebeccabender.org or https://theexodusroad.com
Deeper in Love
Deeper in love is basically my love song to Jesus. It is me celebrating who Jesus is and my love for Him. As the years go on and I get to know Him more intimately, the more I fall deeper in love with Him and every aspect of who He is. This is one of my favorite songs on the album because it just makes me feel happy knowing that I love Jesus with all my heart, and I am not ashamed to admit it!
Invisible
During this time in my life I have felt called to prison ministry. I found out that due to Covid-19, inmates are not allowed to have visitors and have been tremendously impacted by lack of face to face time with those who love them. I wrote this song from the perspective of an inmate who is struggling with self worth due to their mistake. Someone who feels like they are seen as the scum of the earth and basically invisible to society. At the same time I also watched a documentary of a pro skater in the 80’s named Mark “Gator” Rogowski. Mark had a troubled life but found Jesus at the height of his career. Sadly, he made a terrible mistake and was sent to prison for a very long time. The documentary affected me because I know that the Mark had a desire to pursue the Lord and was making an honest effort, but Satan will do anything to break that connection between us and God and in his Mark’s case, satan took one final attempt to destroy Mark and Mark fell for it. Still that does not mean that Mark’s story is over! I believe God can and will still use him. In the chorus I use the Bible verse from Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” That verse is to encourage those who have made mistakes but have repented and turned from their sinful ways. God can still use those who make mistakes and their story is not over.
The God Who Reigns
The God Who Reigns was the second song written for the album and is basically a declaration of who God is, how good God is and how blown away and grateful I am that He would come into my life, pursue me relentlessly and unchain me from my sin and bondage. A true and simple worship song. God is the Creator, He is the Protector, He is the Hero, He is the Redeemer, He is the God who reigns today and forever!
Forever Yours
Forever Yours is a song about wanting so desperately to live for God and be used for good by Him. I have found in my life that when I let my eyes wander from Jesus it gets me into trouble. I start the song off with an apology to God for all the times that has happened and how I truly want to be a vessel fully and passionately dedicated to God to be used for good by him. The bridge of the song is reminding myself where I was where God found me and where I am now due to God’s unconditional love and grace and for that, I am forever His!
A Sinner’s Prayer
A Sinner’s Prayer was written with prison inmates in mind, but also those who are caught in a lifestyle of sin. For people who feel there is no way out of their sin and have reached their rock bottom. Life myself, when people hit rock bottom, they have nowhere to run except to Jesus. Also like myself, if you pray with a sincere heart to Jesus in times of trouble, whether you are a believer or not, He will present himself to you! That is what Jesus Christ did for me and it forever changed my life and broke the chains of my bondage in sin! It can be as simple as “I repent, Lord forgive me. I believe you died on the cross to save me.”
Jesus Christ see’s the beauty in your brokenness, and he delights in it!
God bless,
-Josh
Beauty in the Broken
Beauty in the Broken is the song that sparked the inspiration to begin writing this album. I was challenged with the question "What do I feel is the biggest problem in the world?” and the first thing that came to my mind was human sex trafficking. Followed by that question was myself being told that whatever I felt was the biggest problem in the world is something I should be apart of helping. Being someone who has had a dark history of porn and sex addiction, hearing the reality of what happens to people in the sex industry and human trafficking broke my heart. I learned that many woman in porn videos are actually sex trafficking victims and every time you click to watch a porn video, you are supporting the human sex trade industry. The reality of this helped me humanize every girl that I have ever selfishly used both face to face and virtually. “Beauty in the Broken” is about sharing God's love to victims of sex trafficking and how he truly sees them, how he favors them, and how wants to make them into a new creation. I wanted to use the gifts that God gave me to hopefully make an impact in sex tracking survivors lives. Even though both men and woman are trapped in sex trafficking, I wrote this song specifically for the woman who have been or are still in sex trafficking. I encourage you to research the reality of human sex trafficking, a good place to start is https://www.rebeccabender.org or https://theexodusroad.com
Deeper in Love
Deeper in love is basically my love song to Jesus. It is me celebrating who Jesus is and my love for Him. As the years go on and I get to know Him more intimately, the more I fall deeper in love with Him and every aspect of who He is. This is one of my favorite songs on the album because it just makes me feel happy knowing that I love Jesus with all my heart, and I am not ashamed to admit it!
Invisible
During this time in my life I have felt called to prison ministry. I found out that due to Covid-19, inmates are not allowed to have visitors and have been tremendously impacted by lack of face to face time with those who love them. I wrote this song from the perspective of an inmate who is struggling with self worth due to their mistake. Someone who feels like they are seen as the scum of the earth and basically invisible to society. At the same time I also watched a documentary of a pro skater in the 80’s named Mark “Gator” Rogowski. Mark had a troubled life but found Jesus at the height of his career. Sadly, he made a terrible mistake and was sent to prison for a very long time. The documentary affected me because I know that the Mark had a desire to pursue the Lord and was making an honest effort, but Satan will do anything to break that connection between us and God and in his Mark’s case, satan took one final attempt to destroy Mark and Mark fell for it. Still that does not mean that Mark’s story is over! I believe God can and will still use him. In the chorus I use the Bible verse from Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” That verse is to encourage those who have made mistakes but have repented and turned from their sinful ways. God can still use those who make mistakes and their story is not over.
The God Who Reigns
The God Who Reigns was the second song written for the album and is basically a declaration of who God is, how good God is and how blown away and grateful I am that He would come into my life, pursue me relentlessly and unchain me from my sin and bondage. A true and simple worship song. God is the Creator, He is the Protector, He is the Hero, He is the Redeemer, He is the God who reigns today and forever!
Forever Yours
Forever Yours is a song about wanting so desperately to live for God and be used for good by Him. I have found in my life that when I let my eyes wander from Jesus it gets me into trouble. I start the song off with an apology to God for all the times that has happened and how I truly want to be a vessel fully and passionately dedicated to God to be used for good by him. The bridge of the song is reminding myself where I was where God found me and where I am now due to God’s unconditional love and grace and for that, I am forever His!
A Sinner’s Prayer
A Sinner’s Prayer was written with prison inmates in mind, but also those who are caught in a lifestyle of sin. For people who feel there is no way out of their sin and have reached their rock bottom. Life myself, when people hit rock bottom, they have nowhere to run except to Jesus. Also like myself, if you pray with a sincere heart to Jesus in times of trouble, whether you are a believer or not, He will present himself to you! That is what Jesus Christ did for me and it forever changed my life and broke the chains of my bondage in sin! It can be as simple as “I repent, Lord forgive me. I believe you died on the cross to save me.”
Jesus Christ see’s the beauty in your brokenness, and he delights in it!
God bless,
-Josh
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Beauty in the Broken 4:440:00/4:44
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Deeper in Love 3:440:00/3:44
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Invisible 5:110:00/5:11
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The God Who Reigns 3:200:00/3:20
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Forever Yours 4:260:00/4:26
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A Sinner's Prayer 4:350:00/4:35
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My Story
Hello and welcome,
I am an indie singer/songwriter, music producer, worship pastor and grateful follower of Jesus Christ.
I grew up I a new age household spent 25 years of my life not knowing Jesus. I spent my late teens and early 20's in music school and eventually went off to Hollywood where I lived the "rockstar lifestyle." I became addicted to sex, porn and alcohol and lived that lifestyle for years. After my mom died, I was at my lowest and I literally collapsed and prayed to God out of hopelessness and desperation. After that prayer, the Holy Spirit immediately showed up in an undeniable way that could not be ignored. That was at age 25 and ever since then I have passionately pursued my savior Jesus Christ!
I have been writing, recording and performing music for almost 20 years. I have had the honor of being involved in many aspects of the music business. Some notable moments in my career are performing live at SXSW in Austin Texas, The Viper Room in Los Angeles, The Hard Rock Cafe and the Berklee Performance Center in Boston as a solo artist and within various bands. I have also performed on and produced over 9 albums and multiple single releases that range from Hard Rock to Singer/Songwriter to Children's Music. I am an alumnus from both Berklee College of Music in Boston where I studied voice and was awarded the Berklee Achievement Scholarship and Musicians Institute in Los Angeles where I studied guitar.
In 2017, I began writing and recording songs independently as a solo artist. My hope is to help heal and inspire others through my music. As a devout Christian many of my songs have Christian themes and my ultimate goal is to bring Glory to God through my music and spread the hope of Jesus Christ to others. I am married to my wife Erin and we have 2 amazing children, Lydian and Isaiah. I write, record and produce all my own music independently out of my home studio in Colorado. I also have the privilege of being a worship pastor for New Hope Community Church in Aurora, Colorado.
Blog
Guardian || Chapter One - ALTERNATIVE CHRISTIAN Short Film
This is Chapter One of three chapters in my Guardian short film Trilogy. This short film portrays encountering Jesus for the first time and a representation of what life is like without Jesus. Is God real? Find out!
Writing, filming…
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My Story Featured on The 700 Club
I am excited to announce that my story of how I came to faith in Jesus Christ was aired on the long time running TV show The 700 Club on the Christian Broadcast Network.
The 700 Club film crew…
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Worship Pastor in Colorado!
I am so excited to let you all know that I have accepted a position as Worship Pastor for an amazing church in Aurora, Colorado! Along with the blessing of this job, my family and I were also blessed with…
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Guardian EP Album!
I am excited to announce the release of my 3 song EP album Guardian!
The themes of this album include death, God, angels, heaven, hell, and saying goodbye to those you love.With big guitars, big drums, guitar solos with a…
Read more
My first Worship Album!
I am honored to announce the release of my first ever worship album entitled He Finds the Beauty in the Broken. I truly feel that these songs were God lead and I wrote and recorded, mixed and mastered this…
Read more
New Worship Song! (FREE DOWNLOAD)
Today I have released my new Worship song track! I discovered How Deep The Father's Love For Us in 2021 when I started as a worship leader at my church. Originally written by songwriter Stuart Townend, this song touched my…
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An indie music website did a review of my album BE OK!
An indie music website called Divide and Conquer did a review of my album BE OK!
Thanks so much guys! It's always cool to see what others think of your art.
The full article album review article can be read…
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Finally "Saying What I Need To Say" A Final letter to my mom.
Mom,
A lot of people say they have no regrets, well that’s not true with me, I have regrets. I wish I was less selfish within our relationship. The man I was during the time leading up to your death…
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This Song Took 7 Years To Write...But It's Finally Released!
My song “Need To Say” is about the death of my mother, Sharon. This song has been 7 years in the making and I began writing it before I became of follower of Jesus at the age of 25 and…
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